The beginning of the year has been filled with good news for those around me: first babies, engagements, home purchases, and promotions. In comparison, my accomplishments seem to pale. At nearly 30, I have just moved out on my own, left my first job, and have never been in a relationship. I still have two more years of studies ahead. Compared to the typical timeline (house, partner, pet), I am far from the mark. But why this pressure to adhere to a social timeline that does not correspond to queer reality?
Like Kabuto facing Itachi in Naruto Shippuden, I felt trapped in a self-imposed time loop. This example, though surprising, illustrates an essential idea: linear time is a social construct. As teenagers, we often set unrealistic goals that we must adjust as we grow. Yet, at almost 30, I did not imagine being so far from these goals. This is where queer temporality comes into play.
During the last Pride Month, I discovered Judith Halberstam and her book Queer Temporality and Postmodern Geographies, which revolutionized my perception of success. She proposes a “queer” way of perceiving time, in opposition to traditional norms of family, heterosexuality, and reproduction. Halberstam, along with other researchers, depicts a queer temporality where time, space, and queer experiences escape heteronormative frameworks. This opens up new ways of living, far from capitalist, white, and heteronormative expectations.
This text will draw on my experiences to illustrate how my queer identity influences my perception of time and the world around me. Our queer community is intrinsically part of a movement that defies the traditional conception of time.
The Multiverse of Closets
Coming out is a rite of passage in the queer community. The first coming out marks a decisive turning point in the life of an LGBTQ+ person. At 13, I made my first coming out to my female best friend. Then, at 16 to my grandmother, at 18 to my mother, at 24 to my father, etc. This process of repetition punctuates my personal journey. Each coming out symbolizes another step towards self-affirmation and self-definition.
This ritual can occur at any age and breaks with the heteronormative idea of adolescence as the only passage to adulthood. The omnipresence of coming outs reflects the progressive evolution of our self-definition. Thus, each new coming out is a step towards a more affirmed state of consciousness of one’s identity.
“Out of Sync: Queer Evolution Beyond Hetero Timeline”
The idea of “aging queer” or “aging while queer” challenges the traditional milestones of heteronormative life. What is particularly questioned is the importance placed on longevity or romantic stability. In heteronormative societies, the future is often seen as desirable when it fits into this longevity, but the experiences of trans, gay, and bisexual people, especially those who survived the AIDS crisis of the 80s, have helped normalize shorter life perspectives, where romantic relationships are often brief and intense, and where death and the search for a meaningful life become central concerns. For my part, I became aware of this contrast in representation mainly through the media. Indeed, before I discovered the TV series Queer as Folk (2000) and Transparent (2014), I had witnessed more “traditional” representations of queer characters, who were often in a process of conforming to the heteronormative scheme of couple life. I am thinking in particular of Mitchell and Cameron in the TV shows Modern Family, or Brothers & Sisters, where the marriage of the homosexual characters Kevin and Scotty seems to be the first ceremony of its kind between regular characters of a series broadcast on the American network ABC.
While a diversity of temporalities, and therefore life experiences, exists within our community, screen representation offers only rare examples of mature queer characters. Thus, the contrast with heteronormative expectations of “success” measured in terms of longevity, marriage, or children becomes glaring. In the collective unconscious, an entire part of the spectrum of queer temporalities is invisibilized, and the default, linear, and heteronormative model remains the only reference or model of success.
However, queer life paths often do not follow a linear path but rather adopt a cyclical form, where elements such as the late discovery of one’s sexual or gender identity are frequent examples. The example is striking in the series Transparent (2014), or even in reality TV: Becoming Caitlyn Jenner (2015), which illustrates well how queer temporalities can be better represented, and how characters evolve according to different temporalities from those that heterosexual society values.
Thus, this awareness has also shaped my priorities. I realized that climbing the professional ladder while remaining dissatisfied was not in line with my values. I therefore chose to readjust my expectations and turn to a more eclectic career, in line with my personal values and my desire for a community life.
“Inheritance Without Genes: Ballroom, Parenthood, and Queer Love”
Speaking of community life, another concept to explore is “reproductive time.” In a heteronormative society, it is often linked to the idea of starting a biological family to legitimize relationships and family dynamics. In my journey, I realized that this pressure to start a family stemmed partly from a need to validate my homosexual relationships in a society where heterosexuality is the norm. After a long deconstruction, I realize that it is probably for me a form of internalized homophobia, a kind of desire to prove that your relationships are as legitimate as those of heterosexual couples since it leads to parenthood. However, over time, I discovered that I did not need to procreate to become a parental figure. The notion of “chosen family,” very present in the queer community, allowed me to understand that love, support, and parenthood do not always go through biological reproduction or the nuclear family.
The notion of inheritance is also very anchored in a heteronormative temporality, where there is a trajectory considered “correct,” made of steps to follow, such as marriage, procreation, and the transmission of material and cultural heritage. This logic of transmitting values or goods to the next generation is deeply rooted in the biological family system. However, my own journey is marked by complex family realities, including a strong distance from part of my biological family due to my queer identity. This context disrupts this traditional transmission of family heritage. The generation of queer elders, lost during the AIDS epidemic of the 80s, also deprives part of our community of figures who could transmit cultural heritage.
Nevertheless, the queer community has developed its own mechanisms of inheritance, outside the heteronormative framework. For example, in ballroom culture, “houses” offer a system where names, values, and a sense of family are passed from one generation to the next. These cultural rituals are an alternative to the classic family transmission model and a brilliant example of the resilience of the queer community in the face of exclusion.
Final thoughts:
What queer culture teaches us is that the time and rituals that shape our lives do not follow the predefined paths dictated by normative dictates… On the contrary, they create a space where individual expression, the diversity of experiences, and alternative lifestyles become points of convergence for dynamic and resilient communities. By accepting that our relationships, families, and successes can fit into trajectories other than those dictated by the majority society, we open the way to new and more authentic forms of connection and solidarity.
Sources:
Queer Temporality and Postmodern Geographies from the book In a Queer Time and Place – Judith J. Halberstam – Published by New York University Press 2005
Queer Temporalities – Dustin Goltz- Published online: 15 September 2022 in Oxford Research Encyclopedias
What’s That Smell?: Queer Temporalities and Subcultural Lives – Judith J. Halberstam: Published in: The Scholar and Feminist Online -Issue 2.1 – Public Sentiments – Summer 2003
Illustration: Charlotte Muniken
Article translated from French by Cedric Cros
