A story that never ends…
In each issue, a new writer picks up where the previous author ended. After Leni Georges stirred up some emotional chaos within our protagonists, Otilia Dragan has even more relationship drama brewing up for them… We hope you are as excited as we are to find out where the story goes! Previous stories are available online via queer.lu and writers are encouraged to write in either English, German, French or Luxembourgish.
Nell lay in the grass, head full of scattered thoughts, staring at Jess’ outstretched hand. Each speck of light was mostly due to the Last Quarter moon; its dim lustre a film of oil on their tense bodies and faces. The backs of her calves were still damp from the grass. She finally let Jess’ soft-calloused hand pull her up. The strong grip was comforting.
“I’ve been very scattered lately — my sleep, my memories, everything. I don’t know if it’s anxiety or depression, I do usually take my meds, it’s just…maybe I forget them sometimes. I…we really need to talk about something. Or someone. I had a strange vision, as if from a dream. Something that happened in the woods—where we met.”
“A nightmare?” Jess asked, steadying Nell on her feet. She held her hand and guided her back to the car.
The moment Nell slipped into the passenger seat, a flashback struck her. This was the very spot from her strange, gloopy, fir-tree forest brain-melt vision of Lana— her beautiful redhead ex who’d disappeared suddenly, without a trace. The sight made her heart ache and something in her loins pulled together in confused craving and apprehension.
In this vision, the open car door revealed Lana shuddering in pleasure under Jess’ mouth, in this exact seat. The soft, beige leather seat was old and scratched in the corner. Lana’s leg draped over it, Jess’ hand on her thigh, looking up at Lana’s pale body from below. She was half-kneeling on the forest ground, her dark green eyes lust-filled and wild. Nell had had a very vivid picture of that, almost a dream but way more than that — a hallucination.
She had to tell Jess about it, and about that feeling that something was deeply off. About the feeling that she wanted very firmly to break up. Without being able to name a concrete reason. You cheated on me with my missing ex in a vision was not a great explanation.
The night was deep velvet; a cool breeze mellowed out the summer heat. When the car door slammed shut, Nell had around 30 seconds to gather her thoughts before Jess got back in. The silence felt comforting, blanket-like, heavy and solid, making her calmer again.
“I wanted to show you a beautiful spot, but you don’t seem too well. You’re pale. What’s wrong?” Jess was genuinely concerned. She knew she could control herself; she’d never given anything away. Falling in love with this silly human had not been in her plans at all. Of course, she had been taking precautions. The Incident would never happen again. She breathed deeply out and in. Counted to 5, and back.
“I don’t know how to say this. Is it just me, or is there something heavy between us?”
“Heavy how?”
“Like I don’t truly know you. Something’s wrong. I know you’re a vet, but I never meet your friends, you dodge mine. We sneak around in cars like teenagers. We kiss and everything in me gets warm. I feel all these things for you but deep down I feel…”
“Scared?” Jess offered, smiling lightly. Nell squirmed in the seat.
“No, uneasy. We meet often, I feel incredible in your arms but you’re…I’m…”
“You want to break up?” Nell breathed out suddenly.
“Yes.”
They hadn’t driven off yet. Nell hoped they would, but she also did not want to have Jess’ attention stuck on the road instead of on her. She wanted her to take her words in.
“Yes, basically. I’m in my 30s,” Nell pressed on. I wanted you to meet my mother, but all you seem interested in is…happens at night. I do love what we have but I don’t understand it. Sometimes I realise you tell me nothing, that I know nothing, and I think about the shape of your collarbone for comfort. How my face feels there. I should be able to know more than every shape and texture of your body, the hairs on your arm. The nooks and crannies of you. I want to know your life, your feelings.”
Jess’ eyes softened with sadness. “Okay.” She started the car.
This was typical, and normal. Wrong of her to have pushed the needy, understandable trauma-bond nighttime romps she had with Grace away for this. Grace understood what it meant: the hunger for freedom, the moonlight, the wind in her hair, the hunt for Strays who lost themselves and were out for blood. Nell carried on.
“Before I met you, I was in an on-again, off-again relationship that drove me nuts, but we lived together. We shared so much, we got angry so much. With you, it’s all cool, aloofness. Sometimes I don’t hear from you for days. It’s like dating a cat.” Nell did not feel funny. She felt raw. Tears pricked at the edge of her eyelids.
“It’s okay, I understand. I wish it could have been different.”
“Me too. I’m sorry. With Lana it was not healthy but at least we talked a lot. We—”
The car thudded with sudden breaks. Jess had pressed the pedal down so hard, she almost derailed from the path and into a tree. The emergency brakes rumbled, a deep low growl, and the car stopped.
“What did you just say?” Nell stared at her, dazed, scared. The seat belts had vigorously jolted them.
“Wha-what just happened?… A wolf again?”
“No. That name you said. What was it?”
“Lana. My ex. We never talked about her much but she’s…she’s the one who disappeared suddenly. It was very strange. I thought I told you.”
Jess closed her eyes tightly, bit her lip. She saw black. Black, mud, and Lana’s shiny orange-red hair matted, her body beyond recognition. Never again such a thing, she swore. She’d taken her from Nell, then. Taken her life, too. Lana’d never be able to breathe, smile again. And she stole her girlfriend, too. Unwittingly.
“Okay. We’re breaking up.” She said, as soon as she caught her breath again.
Meanwhile, Nell saw something, read something frightful behind her closed eyelids.
“You knew her.” Nell huffed. The recollection of the car sex scene is once more vivid in her head. “You dated her. Maybe you’re even the one she left me for. You know what happened to her?”
Nell stared hard at the unmoving Jess. She saw her beautiful auburn curls gently shiver. Jess was sobbing, her fists white-clenched.
“I can’t say.”
“Well… I’m sorry but you have to tell me now. She disappeared without a trace.”
Nell’s heart beat evenly in her chest. Each pump of her blood seemed more intense as the silence intensified. Panic clutched her at the throat. Fear, a tightening noose, wrapped itself around her gut. Nell’s loud swallowing snapped Jess out of her trance.
In a wild flash of a moment, Jess decided to tell her everything.
“The night we met. I was cycling in the dark, it was a November night, not long before the full moon. Exactly two days, to be precise. Remember?”
“Of course. What does this have to do with…”
“There was a wolf.”
“There were always damned wolves in these regions. It was terrifying. It was super reckless of you to go after it that night. You never fully explained why you did that. How do you know Lana?” Nell stopped. “You mean to tell me she may have been killed by…wolves?”
“I am so very, very sorry. Endlessly sorry I lied to you.” Jess’s voice cracked. “I could not explain. I still cannot say it. But I will, of course. You deserve the truth.”
Nell’s legs felt foreign to her body. She braced for every word.
Jess’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. “I wasn’t just cycling for fun. I was tracking a Stray — one of our kin that lost control. That’s what I do on nights like that: keep people safe. Keep myself safe.” She swallowed. “I’ve had control for years, Nell. I fight for it every single time. No one else ends up like Lana. Not on my watch.”
Nell blinked. “Lana…? Y-You…a wolf?”
“I hadn’t told her what I am. I never tell anyone. But she wouldn’t let it go when I said I could not meet her that night. In the end, I had to tell her. She laughed at me, she didn’t believe it. Said she wanted to see the real me. I begged her not to come that night.”
“And she came anyway.”
Nell’s mouth twitched. Tears flowed down her cheeks and landed on her hands. It was the fateful night Lana had told her she’d met someone else. The night she said she would never come back. For good that time…
Jess nodded. Her hands trembled, clinging to the steering wheel as if she might fall off if she let go. “I ran, Nell. I tried to get far enough away from the flat, from her, but I…just, I didn’t make it. She was there when it happened. I turned, out of control. And then I knew it was her… because of her hair. I am so sorry.”
Nell’s chest felt hollow. The air between them was thick and cold, heavy with a truth she could never unhear.
“So it wasn’t an accident. She’s not lost somewhere or incognito backpacking in a far-off country,” Nell whispered, “She’s gone.”
Jess looked down. “It wasn’t murder either. I truly didn’t mean to. It was…I will forever regret my recklessness that night. I should’ve tried locking myself up somewhere instead.”
Nell stared. Up and down Jess. Familiar Jess’ chest, perfect brown curls, hazel eyes with long lashes and a smile now absent. Her lips. Arched in a cupid’s bow. Jess – some sort of wolf creature – a killer.
Nell stumbled out of the car. A stomach gurgle and a tickle at the back of her throat. She retched, teary-eyed, collapsing onto the forest floor. Her stomach was empty and nothing came up, but her heart was breaking in a million pieces. Jess stepped out of the car but hesitated to approach her. Her cheeks were tear-streaked.
The clock struck midnight in the silence. Somewhere in the distance, a lone dog barked — sharp, and desolate.
