A kiss in the moonlight will be a revealing turning point for Maxime, who was 18 at the time.
Photo: photos Maxime Szturma, Design Lloyd Dunn
The first kiss is the one we imagined a thousand times. It is the one we hoped for so much, sometimes desperately, the one we waited for almost religiously, with feverish impatience, the one we also dreaded.
It turned us upside down, surprised us, sometimes even disappointed us a little… but it will always remain a precious memory of our tender years.
“My first kiss… was with a girl,” Maxime tells me, a mischievous smile at the corner of lips. “I was eleven and completely mad about her. We would meet every day in the playground to exchange secret kisses.” He can’t help but laugh as he fills his cup with steaming tea. It was also his first heartbreak, at that age where paths diverge as high school approaches. “I remember we kept listening to Juli’s song, Geile Zeit, over and over again. I was sad. “Ja, ich weiß, es war ‘ne geile Zeit! Hey, es tut mir leid, es ist vorbei! Es ist vorbei, es ist vorbei!”
It was adolescence, but not quite carefree. Flirting, girlfriends and kissing followed in quick succession, and the first doubts set in.
“I didn’t understand why my friends were so obsessed with girls. They didn’t have the same effect on me, and I didn’t understand why.” With big forkfuls, he attacks a huge slice of carrot cake, and as he swallows a bite, his gaze darkens. “I was repressing my attraction to boys. It was inconceivable to me that I could be gay!”
Caught between doubt and rejection, the young man, barely 18 years old, fought a lonely battle against himself. Until the day he decided to get to the bottom of it!
“I matched with a boy on a dating app,” recalls Maxime.
“We met in the utmost secrecy, in the moonlight, in the middle of the night, on a playground. It was essential that no one saw us.” It was a decisive encounter, because it was the first time Maxime had put into words what had been tormenting him for so long. “He was the first person I told that I was gay, or at least that I thought I was. He was a thoughtful and caring boy. We talked a lot that night, and it did me a world of good.”
He takes a few sips of his tea before continuing his story, with a hint of nostalgia in his voice. “He drove me home, and that’s when we kissed. It was so stressful, but also so different. I had just discovered an exceptional and unique sensation that I had never felt when kissing a girl. It was a real turning point. I realised at that precise moment that I was gay.
Personal details
First name: Maxime
Surname: Szturma
Year of birth: 1994
Astrological sign: Libra
Profession: PE teacher
Relationship status: single
First kiss with a boy: at the age of 18
Would you like to tell me about your first kiss too? Send me an email to: premier.baiser@queer.lu