DE: Eine Kolumne mit Kelly Kosel, in der an Gefühlen gefummelt, Fäden verfolgt und Themen rund um Sexualität, Körper, Intimität und Beziehungen eingeladen werden.
FR: Une chronique qui s’adresse aux émotions pour démêler certaines de vos questions sur le sexe, les relations, le corps et l‘intimité.
EN: An Advice Column that fiddles about feelings to untangle some of your questions about sex, relationships, bodies and intimacy.
Do you often feel that social media is eating up your time and leaving you feeling unsatisfied, empty, lonely or anxious? This can happen, and you are not alone (I have read a few studies on this topic; feel free to write to me for reading recommendations).
Without going into detail about why social media can be really bad for our mental and physical health (you probably already know), here are a few tips for a healthy approach to social media. I’ve tried to give you something different than ChatGPT, so stay with me. Okay, here we go!
Subscribe to newsletters instead of doomscrolling
Want to stay up to date without constantly refreshing a news app or being exposed to the apparent urgency of instant notifications? I found the solution: newsletters. For example, I subscribed to a daily newsletter that briefly informs me about world events and news from German-speaking countries. I also subscribe to a weekly newsletter that summarises the “good news” of the week and focuses on Austria (where I live). I read the newsletters once a day or once a week in my mailbox (when I want to). If I’m interested in a topic, I search for and read more about it. Depending on the region, language and time you want to invest, you can subscribe to one, two or a maximum of three different newsletters. If newsletters aren’t really your thing or you’re not happy with the selection of newsletters available in Luxembourg, for example, I can recommend radio or podcasts instead.
Delete Instagram from your mobile phone
Yes, the reels of queer comedians are very funny and give us a sense of community. Yes, you will miss sending animal videos back and forth with your besties (“look, this is you”). Yes, you’ll miss out on the odd event, political analysis and a few holiday photos. But apart from that, the disadvantages really outweigh the advantages. And you know it. Do the following:
- Take an hour to deal with it.
- Unfollow: Sort through all the people you’ve followed over the last 10 years. Goal: a maximum of 300 accounts (I know, it’s hard).
- While you’re doing that, think about what and who you really like to see and WHY. Whose content makes you feel a little smarter (queer art historian, hellooo) and whose makes you feel like your life isn’t good enough and the world is bad (yes, the world is burning, but we don’t need social media to know that)?
- Look at your chats: Who do you really write to on Instagram and with whom could you move the communication to a messenger without reels/posts? Write to these people.
- Delete the Instagram app from your phone.
- Don’t use Instagram for a while, for example for 2-3 weeks.
- Note: Once you’ve made it through this period of abstinence, you can occasionally log into your account on your desktop computer and watch the reels your friends have sent you.
- Repeat detox: Every few months, go without social media for a week or two. Because the truth is: You will miss it, but it will not miss you. (And any friends who miss you can write to you elsewhere, see above.)
Okay, now do the same with TikTok – and the other social media platforms you use
I know it’s not what you want to hear. All I can say is: I believe in you. (Warning: now that you no longer have social media on your mobile phone, do not compensate with your email app.)
Turn off notifications
You can turn off message previews and instant notifications in your phone’s settings. To keep track of what’s happening in your chats and apps, you can activate the “badges” instead, i.e. the small red message counters in the upper right corner of the app. This way, you can prevent the distraction, overstimulation or overload of accumulating message previews. When your phone isn’t constantly lighting up, you may miss that certain feeling of “being needed” or being constantly in the loop. Your IRL friends, on the other hand, will love it when you give them your full attention at the dinner table and listen actively instead of reading message previews as soon as you have a minute (no offence).
Make a website
Do you use social media to post your leisure art or as a kind of public diary? Make a free website for your beautiful photos, pottery projects or drawings. It’s fun. And you’ll learn something new. You can share the link to the website and even set up a form where people can write to you (instead of sliding into your DMs on Instagram).
Plan a weekend without your mobile phone
After banning you from social media, now this! Plan 1-3 days alone, without your mobile phone and without caring responsibilities (not so easy for some, I know). You can also do this with a partner or family (perhaps even harder). Write a list with pen and paper – with the title: WHAT DO I ENJOY? (Grab a pen and take 10 minutes, because this list is always good to have.) Here are a few activity ideas that have nothing to do with your screens:
- Going for a walk
- Drawing
- Swimming
- Going to the cinema
- Lying under a tree
- Cooking
- Dancing
- Reading together
- Listening to music
- Drinking coffee and watching people
- Making collages
- Taking a nap
- Writing a diary
- Playing cards
- Tidying up or decluttering
- Going to a concert
- Leafing through the print edition of queer.lu
- …
Last but not least, don’t keep your mobile phone next to your bed
I know, this is the final boss. But even without Instagram, TikTok and the like on your mobile phone, there are still all the news, gaming and self-care apps lurking. Buy yourself a nice alarm clock. Install a charging station for your mobile phone in the next room, where it will be waiting for you when you get up. Think about what you’d like to do before going to bed (Sudoku, reading, meditating, cuddling, writing in your diary or writing a gratitude list, not even kidding).
Do you have any tips or comments about this column? Write to me at feelings@queer.lu. I look forward to hearing from you!
See you soon,
Kelly
