This story is adapted from an autobiographical account to protect the author. It is set in Syria during the civil war.
On an autumn day, Ralph entered his new barracks, hopeful for a better life. The post was close to his home, far from the tragedies of his previous assignment, where officers mocked him, questioned his competence, and turned him into a symbol of failure. Even his peers secretly pitied him, calling him the oppressed one.
His brief imprisonment on alleged charges of “irresponsibility,” was another humiliation. But when the order for his transfer came, it felt like a glimmer of light in the dark.
At the new base, duty officer Elie, who inspected and found a mobile phone in Ralph’s possession—a violation—chose not to confiscate it, a first sign that things might be less rigid here. Elie was kind, smart, and had a sense of humor, utterly unlike the harsh officers Ralph had known.
Although a greedy senior officer often picked on Ralph, Elie always stepped in to defend him. Once he caught a soldier stealing from Ralph and forced him to return the items. Another time, he spared Ralf from degrading chores.
Slowly, Ralf started developing feelings for Elie. One day, he asked Elie to exempt him from training. Elie agreed with a friendly smile.
The First I Love You
The hallway outside Elie’s office was cold that afternoon.
Ralph stood there clutching a small, carefully wrapped box. His heart beat like a drum of doubt.
He had rehearsed this moment a dozen times in his head—but now, every word had abandoned him
He knocked.
Elie looked up, surprised.
Ralph stepped forward and gently placed the box on the desk.
“A small gift,” he whispered.
Elie blinked, puzzled.
“What’s this for?”
“For everything you’ve done for me, for protecting me from the older guards when they tried to use me, for getting back my stolen things from that soldier and for shielding me during patrols and granting me leave when I called in sick.”
Elie opened the box. Inside lay a modest bottle of cologne.
Ralph met his eyes and said softly:
“I bought it for you… because I love you.”
Elie froze. Silence fell.
Ralph had never said those words to anyone before.
But now, they hung in the air between them—fragile, radiant, uncalculated, pure.
For the first time, there was no rank between them, only awe.
The scent of the unopened perfume filled the room with something far sweeter:
A first confession.
A first surrender.
Ralph’s self-confidence grew under Elie’s steady encouragement and affection made him feel desirable and valued—proof that love could bloom even amid war.
One evening, Elie leaned close, his breath warm against Ralph’s neck. “This is my love”, he whispered.
The kiss on the neck was more than just a touch; it was a silent promise of love and protection, a quiet message saying: You are mine, and I am here for you, no matter what.
How Ralph Became Attached to Elie
Ralph’s attachment deepened. Elie’s laughter, glances stirred something in him—something that lingered long after they parted. Over time, Elie no longer hid his infatuation.
“Ralph means a lot to me”, he would say in front of other soldiers. Whispers spread, but Elie paid no attention to them. Ralf’s heart, however, trembled inside his ribcage.
In the Shadow of Fear, A Promise of Safety
In Syria’s army, arbitrary detention meant torture or even death in the governement’s notorious prisons. When Ralf’s name appeared on a secret arrest list, terror shook him.
“Are they going to arrest me too?” he stuttered.
Elie closed his eyes briefly, then placed his hand on Ralph’s shoulder:
“As long as I’m here, no one will lay a hand on you.”
Days later, the disappearances continued, but Ralf remained safe.
A bond of loyalty—born from fear and welded to love—bound him to Elie forever.
The Complex Relationship Between Elie and Ralph
Elie rarely mentioned his wife to Ralph. For Ralph, the absence of emotional love between Elie and his wife was clear. What he observed was the respect Elie displayed in his tone when speaking to her on the phone. Ralph couldn’t hear the words, but the unmistakable seriousness in Elie’s voice stood out. The humor and warmth that Ralph had come to associate with Elie disappeared entirely in these moments.
Despite gossip, Elie devoted time to Ralph, often over tea and quiet conversation. Yet, Ralph’s frequent presence in Elie’s office angered some officers, one of whom reported them to the senior, greedy officer. This resulted in mounting pressure on Ralph, forcing him to cut his visits.
One night, as they shared a tender kiss, footsteps approached.
“Sit, act normal.” Elie whispered.
They barely adjusted themselves before another officer entered. If caught, they could have been executed.
After that incident, the fear only deepened their bond.
The Jealousy Incident
One day, while Ralph was in the office, Elie received a phone call. He answered without hesitation, his tone calm, his words light, almost playful. The conversation with the girl on the other end seemed harmless, nothing more than casual chatter. But jealousy flickered silently in Ralph. He eventually stood up and left without a word.
Later, Elie found him.
“If I spoke to a man, I’d understand your jealousy”, he said gently “but you know where my heart lies.”
Ralph stayed silent. It wasn’t about the woman—it was the fear of losing him.
A Tear at the Office Door
When Elie deleted him from Skype—claiming he had shut down his account—Ralph found out the truth: the account was still active. Elie was still chatting… just not with him.
Heartbroken, he withdrew silently, until Elie summoned him.
“Where have you been? Why don’t you visit me anymore?”
Ralph’s voice broke: “You don’t love me anymore.”
Elie didn’t joke or deny. He simply said:
“I’m crazy about you.”
Elie explained he had deleted him from Skype for his own safety. Their exchange could be damaging to both of them if someone found out.
They moved closer, eyes locked…
Then their lips touched, softly at first, then with deep longing—as if all the distance, all the hurt, all the jealousy melted away.
Their love was reborn.
Elie Between Love and Duty
At 36, Elie lived his life in constant inner conflict. As a gay man in a conservative society, he was forced into a marriage with a woman who had no knowledge of his sexual orientation. Their relationship was routine and devoid of passion, but marked by respect rather than love.
For Ralph, who was only 22 at the time, Elie was more than just an officer. He was the love that Ralph had never expected to find. Late at night, Elie would whisper to himself, “Perhaps love is a curse in times of war”. Yet, Ralph’s presence gave him strength to endure. Their love was a sanctuary amidst a barren desert.
The Beginning of Goodbye
After two years, Ralph was granted a short, perilous leave to visit his mother. Her worry was plain. She sat in the living room, her gaze distant.
“War isn’t just bullets”, she said, “it’s death chasing everyone. Don’t go back.”
Her words were heavy, piercing Ralph’s already burdened heart. He tried to stay calm.
“Mother, I feel at peace there.”
“There is no peace amidst death”, she pleaded.
Her touch felt as though it was pulling him away from the war-torn world he lived in. He withdrew his hands and looked away, her face reminded him of everything he was trying to escape. He thought of Elie—his only love. Their laughter, their whispered comfort, his touch. Then his mother asked softly:
“Who is Elie?”
Ralph sank into a chair, head in his hands.
“He’s the one who makes all of this bearable. The person I’ve loved more than anything else. How can I leave him?”
She touched his shoulder:
“But can love save you from bullets? Or will he mourn you when you fall?”
His eyes filled with tears.
“I don’t want to die, Mother. I’ll leave.”
She held him as he cried.
At that moment, Ralph realized that love alone wasn’t enough to keep him there. But he vowed that if he ever returned, he would find Elie again.
Final Glance
Ralph didn’t plan the goodbye. He simply walked into Elie’s office one last time.
“Do you need anything?” He asked softly.
Elie looked up, paused, and replied with quiet sadness:
“You…do you need anything?”
They exchanged a knowing glance.
Ralph smiled faintly, then turned and left.
That was their last moment together. Through Elie, Ralph discovered what true love meant—tender, passionate, protective. But war spares no one. As fighting intensified, Ralph’s family urged him to flee, while Elie stayed, bound by duty. Their farewell was silent but final.
Ralph escaped to Europe, carrying Elie’s memory across borders. He still longed for him, though distance took its toll.
Love had been their shelter amid the storm—a flash of color in a gray world. For the first time, Ralph felt joy that outshone fear. And although war took almost everything, it could not erase what once beat between them.
illustration Leire de Meer
