Belle of the Balls

I love sucking dicks. I love some hot sex. I love to relax. I love to travel. I love to connect with my fellow gay men. Man, I just love having a gay old time. Could there be a place where one can experience all these things together? I can gladly say YES – Gay Saunas!

Gay Saunas are establishments where the primary clientele consists of gay (cis and trans), bi, bicurious men. From horny gay men looking for sex to nudists to gay men who just want to chill in a jacuzzi in a safe place, there’s something for everyone. Like any other sauna, you can enjoy Showers, Steam Rooms, Hammams, Swimming Pools, Jacuzzi, Gyms along with Private cabins, Dark Rooms, Dungeons, Sex Dens, Slings, and Glory Holes! If this interests you, let me tell you how to have the most fun.

Obviously, there isn’t really a handbook, but I can share certain tips that I have discovered through my own experience, trial and error, and conversations with experienced gay sauna veterans. The most important questions here are: Where, when, who, how, and then what?

Let’s start with the ‘Where?’. Location is EVERYTHING!! If you are white, the world is yours — you can ignore this question. But if you are a POC, my advice is to stick to certain big cities, like Paris (IDM is amazing), Köln, and one of my favorites: Nuremberg! Go to certain bumfuck places like the Greater Luxembourg Area (where the closest thing to civilization is Brussels) at your own risk.

The next question is, “When?”. It really depends on why you want to go to a Gay Sauna. Sex is not the only reason to go to a gay sauna. As I mentioned previously, you can go to a gay sauna just to relax. You can go to bars, have a drink or some food, and just chat with the crowd there. A nice steamy sauna in winter is divine! But if you want to take it a step further, there are so many places, both public and private, to have sex with men who are also looking for the same. Depending on the Sauna, check out their websites if available as sometimes they have different events on different days, like Ladies’ Night or Youth Night (e.g., ages 18 to 30), etc. Just one tip: If you are under a certain age limit, most saunas offer a Youth Discount, which you usually must ask explicitly before entering — so have a proof of age ready. Also, weekends are generally quite crowded, especially Saturday late afternoons (around 4 PM) to evenings, so perfect for satiating your sexual desires. It’s always a good idea to talk to locals about the best time to visit the gay sauna in their city.

Question number 3, “Who?”. This question can be evaluated in two ways:

1. Whom to go with: If it’s your first time in a gay sauna and you don’t feel comfortable yet but want to try it out, you can go with your friends or with someone experienced. That’s totally fine. But the most fun happens when you go alone. When you want to have sex but don’t get any action, that can be a bit defeating. And if you are like me, seeing your friend get more action than you, is like salt on a wound.

2. Whom to approach? Knowing your crowd is perhaps the most important thing. You could be in the best shape of your life, but if the other person isn’t into things beyond your control, like your race, height, dick size, there’s nothing you can do.

I have noticed that the guys that are into me are South Asians of all ages and men of other ethnicities who are older than me. Hence while initiating anything, I limit myself to the ones that I am attracted to in these groups. Otherwise, if someone outside of these groups is into me, they can approach me.

And that brings us to our penultimate question: “How?”. Like everything else in life, the “Art of Cruising” is a skill that takes time, trial, and error to improve. Observe the place first, get comfortable, and walk slowly! When you see a guy you like, approach him slowly, and give a slight touch on his hand, a slight brush when he is walking by. Don’t go grab his dick or slap his ass — or do something that you wouldn’t want done to you! If he is into you, he will reciprocate, otherwise, he will tell you no, or move away, it’s as simple as that. AND ALWAYS RESPECT A NO! Don’t take it personally, just move on to other guys who are worth your time.

People come to gay saunas for different reasons, sometimes they just want to watch. In case you find a guy you like and he likes you back, you can have sex with him with others watching or even joining you. But if you want to be private with him, you can just go to a private room and lock it, so it’s just the two of you. You can also go with your friends or your boyfriend to spice things up a bit. Condoms and lubes are almost everywhere, if you can’t find them, just ask the staff. They will provide you with a towel and a locker when you enter, so if you don’t feel comfortable being naked, you can always wrap yourself with a towel even while you cruise. Depending on your sexual appetite or intentions, if you want to fuck as many men as you can, then stay in the Sauna for a long time. One of my best experiences was when I stayed in for 6 hours. Some Saunas are open throughout the night, so you can also stay there overnight if you wish.

Now, instead of you approaching someone, someone may approach you! Again if you feel attracted to him, show him some interest by giving an indication, otherwise, just say NO firmly, but KINDLY! Remember that you are not a gift from God, so be flattered if someone (that you are not into because of their race, age, dick size, shape, or assigned sex at birth or whatever) had the courage to approach you. Because SELF-LOVE is great, but for goodness’ sake have some ACCOUNTABILITY, COMPASSION, and the rarest thing in our community: HUMILITY. Because someone approaching you is not a sin, but even after a NO, if they still keep insisting aggressively then that is a problem. Even in the super rare cases, if they still don’t listen, then contact the staff immediately. The staff can take care of it.

And now we come to the last question, “THEN WHAT?”. A gay sauna is supposed to be a safe place for gay, bi, and bicurious people to just relax and/or have sex. Please don’t spoil it with racism, insisting behaviour, and other forms of nastiness. But I must say that for every racist, immigrant-hating AFD, RN (far right parties in Germany and France) customers and staff members there are twice as many wonderful gay men who, even if they are not sexually attracted to you, will love to hang out with you over a beer in the sauna cafe/bar! Because guess what, with time, there will be more and more gay Black, Brown, Asian, Arab, etc. immigrants coming here and there’s no escaping us!

One more thing in life that will always help you is enjoying your own company. So what if you couldn’t get any men? Enjoy the jacuzzi! Enjoy the company of some nice guys and have a wonderful time. And then come back again some other day to try your luck again!

Gay Saunas are wonderful wild worlds of their own. We are really lucky to have such spaces, especially considering how anti-LGBTQ+ (far right) movements along with misogynist parasite traitor gays are trying to take away our rights and destroy our safe spaces! Usually, people want to escape reality, but these establishments offer or provide a nice break INTO reality from the virtual world, the toilet of the internet which is social media. Trust me, it’s refreshing to meet people in real life. Because the normal stuff like ghosting, blocking, catfishing, dick pics, timewasters, etc that you encounter on Grindr, Tinder, etc. you don’t experience in a real place like a gay sauna. Try them out, you never know, you might find the love of your life there. I met one incredible guy, and after some hot sex, he confided in me about the difficulties of being a gay man in Iran. I could honestly see myself with him!

Hope this helps you become the Belle of the Balls that you were destined to be!