I was out on the streets of Nuremberg, Germany, on January 24, 2025, the night the AfD party won 20.8% of the popular vote. I was wondering how things could have turned out if this extreme right-wing party had won a landslide, when a man on a bicycle rode past. He looked at me, pointed his finger in some direction, and shouted: “Flughafen ist da” (The Airport is over there)…

I have lived in Luxembourg for 2 years now, and often, I wonder what brought me here in the first place? I am not your typical expat finance professional from India, living the good life. I am an ordinary guy. My career has been severely impacted by the economic slowdown, and my standard of living has plummeted. I pay a thousand euros for a small place I share with homophobic roommates. As an immigrant, I have fewer rights compared to immigrant-friendlier countries like Canada or Australia. I speak only English, and I am not white, which further limits my options. 

But I was willing to endure all of that in hopes of living a happier, free gay life. The mainstream, financially right-wing, “it’s just a pReFeReNcE” gay local community has shown me nothing but contempt and racism. Whenever I protested to those I thought were friends, I was dismissed, some even suggested “if you’re not happy, then go back where you came from”. Should I?

I miss Bengaluru, the gayest city of India! I still remember the first time I left behind my hometown of Mumbai to move to Bengaluru (also known as Bangalore). That was back in April 2022. Everyone thought I was crazy for leaving the “best and most liberal city in India”. But, in my experience, Mumbai’s gay community was unwelcoming. It was pretentious, bougie, classist, and elitist. Although in hindsight, it was a good school for life, and a harbinger of what lay ahead for me.

After a 24-hour train journey across India, my anxiety began to wane as the train slowly rolled into Bengaluru, the largest city in South India, a region that, to my pleasant surprise, has more respect for LGBT+ people than the rest of the country. In this city of gardens, with its perfect weather, I could finally take a deep breath and wish for a fresh beginning. Obviously, there was none of it. I turned to Grindr, the dating app, and the only way to hook up with other gay men in India. Back then, using Grindr in India was relatively safer compared to today. According to friends, scammers are wreaking havoc on the app these days. They lure users, then rob and harass them in groups with little or no police intervention. 

Church Street, Bengaluru © Sunny T

On Grindr, I found out that misogyny and sissyphobia were rife in the gay community. Outside Europe, gay men can be significantly more misogynistic, sissyphobic, and Bengaluru was no exception, perhaps even worse than Mumbai.  

User profiles blatantly stated their preferences: “Looking for masc Only”, “Femmes can f*** off), “Light-skinned, high caste, non-Muslims only”. Being a sexually repressed, toxic, and patriarchal society, India had an allegedly overwhelming ratio of tops to bottoms. 

But luckily, I found a guy who loved Avatar: The Last Airbender! A connection that led me to Bengaluru’s Queer Runners Group (Instagram: @bengalurufrontrunners). The group met every Sunday morning in Cubbon Park, the central park of the city, named by the British, who exported homophobia to India, just as Portugal, Spain, France, the Netherlands, and others did to their colonies. I felt I had finally found my first real LGBTQ+ community.

Bengaluru’s Queer Runners Group © Sunny T

Having had a bad experience with the gay community of Mumbai, I was initially skeptical about joining the runners’ group. But I was proven wrong! In Bengaluru, I met a group of amazing queers—a local guy, a trans woman from Chennai (who could rent an apartment despite being trans), a queer person from Northeast India, a lesbian from Odisha, and me from Mumbai. The athletic ones would go for a run (since it was a group of Queer Runners) while the rest of us would lay around on our fat asses, gossiping about everyone else haha… And being in South India, where almost everyone spoke English, I fit in easily! We used to hang out at the Konark Cafe, where we often met for a lovely South Indian breakfast—pure bliss! What would I give to go back to those innocent times! It’s such a joke that conservative India (through Bengaluru) gave me a sense of community that the so-called liberal West never did.

Later, I was invited to a gay themed party in the Bengaluru Social Pub. This was my introduction to the city’s gay nightlife. I didn’t know what to expect, because my experiences in Mumbai were not conclusive. In Mumbai, every Saturday, there is a party in Kitty Su, the Lalit, one of the best five-star hotels in town, where the entry fee is a thousand rupees, a fortune for many Indians. Mumbai also holds several drag shows and has its cruising grounds in the B.N. Maheshwari Udyan, where you could stumble upon gays looking about, particularly on Sunday evening. If you are white, chances are you will attract Indian fags like shit attracts flies. If you are black, however, you better have a big dick! But even that will not help you escape racism. In my opinion, India is the most racist country I have ever known. Sorry, Netherlands, you have to settle for the silver medal here. As for Asians, just forget about it, go to Bengaluru instead.

Bengaluru is also known for its parties, namely at Kitty Ko’s or the Indiranagar Social. Such establishments probably hate gays, but they love our money, so it’s a win-win deal for both parties. Although I am sure you can also find some small fringe venues that publicize as gay-friendly, and that truly are fun. But for me, the best experience was when I met a group of local queer activists! They run an account on Instagram called “goodasyou.blr“. I still remember how devastated I was when India’s Supreme Court announced in 2012 that it would uphold Section 377 (which deemed same sex intercourse unnatural and punishable by a fine and 10 years in prison, a gift from British colonialism). I had given up on India. But then, sometime in 2018, a friend called me up to congratulate me: “Section 377 has been abolished” in the entire country, and the Supreme Court issued an apology to the gay community! I couldn’t express to you how amazing that moment felt! It happened because of these fearless, unstoppable people!

 And only 5 years later, in October 2023, these fearless activists pushed the Supreme Court of India to consider same sex marriage. As expected, the case was dismissed, leaving it to the government to decide. But even though I am probably the most cynical person you can come across, I remain hopeful. I believe that in the next 2 decades, India will eventually legalize same sex marriage. Can you imagine how fabulous it would be if marriage equality was granted to India’s 1.45 billion population? After Taiwan, Nepal, Thailand, and Greece, I hope India will be next! Homosexuality and trans identities are inseparable parts of Indian culture, as depicted in the carvings adorning many Indian temples like the Khajuraho temple, or through the very representation of some Hindu deity like the composite male-female goddess Ardhanarishvara.

But India is a true paradox—more trans-friendly than same-sex couple-friendly. This is perhaps due to the fact that the Hijra community (India’s recognized third gender) has coexisted with other communities for centuries. So, the Supreme Court has ordered the state governments to give reservations to trans people, pass anti-discrimination laws, etc. It’s really amazing! Forget about sending a rocket to the moon, this is what makes me proud of India! I want to give an honorable mention to the most progressive Southern state of Tamil Nadu, which has so many amazing LGBTQ+ related programs, like publicly funded access to gender-affirming surgery, anti-discriminatory laws, etc.

Even in the Indian media, LGBTQ+ themes are becoming more and more accepted. Most urban Indians (at least in Southern India and Bengal) and young people across the country are quite open-minded… In India, two men or two women can hold hands in public; heterosexual couples can’t, haha… But it still remains a society where parents would rather prefer their sons to be rapists than gay. Also, while I haven’t heard of parents kicking their children out of their homes for being gay or trans, conversion therapy remains an issue.

Rape within the queer community is also a major problem, as much as in the straight community. And the police are unreliable in fighting against the scourge.

As for HIV and STI prevention and awareness, big cities like Mumbai have strong health NGOs like Humsafar Trust,  which offers free testing and counselling. In Mumbai, you can also get HIV medication at a subsidized rate. There are even drive-in test centers at some railway stations, like Bandra. 

Now, let me talk to you about Pride. Every year, an increasing number of small cities hold their own pride parade! Pride festivities in countries across the Global South are so rudimentary and raw; you can almost feel the emotion and the solidarity between people, and can witness the struggles of local queer groups to get permission from local authorities to hold the Pride march. At some marches, you get boos, but most people watching are smiling and supportive. 

Supporters and members of the LGBTQIA+ community at the annual Namma Pride Walk in Bengaluru, 2024 © DH Photo/Pushkar V

In Europe, however, many feel that Prides have become a ritual where a bunch of fags on steroids get wasted on drugs, their anuses prolapsing till they pass out.

At Luxembourg Pride 2024, I was collecting signatures for a petition to ban conversion therapy in the EU. Many straight allies kindly signed the petition, but my fellow fags wouldn’t even listen.

For me, although Luxembourg has been nothing but a bottomless pit of despair because I am not a multi-millionaire, I don’t work for a huge corporation, I am not a landlord, or an idiot, and even though unlike India and many other neighbouring European countries, Luxembourg still does not allow me to donate blood if I had sex with another man in the last 12 months, while it hoists the red cross flag in Summer and asks people to donate money and blood, this country still has a lot for which I am grateful. Here’s my non-exhaustive list below:

    • Some of the most progressive LGBTQ+ legislation in the world;
    • Locals have a good sense of humor, they can take criticism without getting butt hurt or threaten to arrest me in reprisal;
    • They won’t beat you up or arrest either if you criticize a politician, and your family won’t be harassed because you expressed a slightly different opinion;
    • People here don’t worship Hitler;
    • Many people support Palestine and Ukraine in their fight against the occupiers;
    • Air quality, you can breathe relatively clean air in Luxembourg (Pardon my French! I almost forgot about all those French smokers who cross the border to replenish their reserves of carbon dioxide).

In view of the above, and in the meantime, I am not considering GOING BACK to where I came from.